Sometimes I feared I was half out of my mind. I was bulging with my first child and I don’t experience pregnancy easily. I was busy on my deaconess internship, where I helped a half dozen people at four locations or more. I knew I wanted to write, but I could hardly grab the opportunities I heard of—I was never sure I had the time, energy, patience or skill. But I went for it and wrote in a mindful effort to be a merciful servant of the cross.
Frankly, I was sometimes troubled, too, that I wanted to write theologically, while also thinking pastors are best suited for such work. Not because of their education, per se, but their public role in the church. I am not an upstart. I do not want to be a pastor or in any way fuel women’s “ordination”. At the same time, theology can be a thirst for a child as much as for an adult. No one should be shut out of theological hunger and I have frankly been raised theologically ever since I was very young.
All this to say, I cobbled together an essay, “A Merciful Servant of the Cross: Theology of the Cross for Christian Caregivers,” and entered it into an LCMS contest, Toward a Theology of Mercy. Four winners were selected, me included.
I remember the frustration that I ran out of time before adding Scripture references to a long list of bullet points. I remember shakiness, because I had only had a chance for one person to read it and it wasn’t even my insightful, trustworthy, personal doctrinal-reviewing husband. I approached someone at work, if I remember correctly, to see if finishing it was worth it. His only reply was go ahead and send it in.
I’m really thankful I wrote it and sent it in. I am refreshed by reading it (and relieved that it is discerning!). Somehow or other it’s now part of the Glenn Merritt Festschrift I blogged about earlier.
It’s affirming for me to read something of my yesteryears and see it pass my own doctrinal review now. 🙂 And, I’m glad that once we write, those words continue to stand, whether we’re currently writing or not.
So write on, friends! It’s a precious gift to be enjoyed.