A “full range of experiences” sounds pretty good, like a full range of experiences on a vacation or something. Less good is the writers’ milestone “going out of print”. It’s super common. It’s nothing to be particularly ashamed of–or so I’m telling myself–because, as a writer, I’ve now experienced the full range of experiences. Except, you know, fame and fortune. 😉
I’ve published four books and contributed to a few more, but this is my first “remaindering.” That means no more prints are scheduled.
Ah, Blessed. It was a dream opportunity that appeared out of nowhere like a beacon of hope.
I had given birth to twins two months early. My mind was dazed unlike anything I’ve ever dreamt or imagined. One daughter, our sweet Anastasia, further had complications: a malformation of her intestines so she would still be incapable of digestion. That’s, you know, kind of important. Anyway, it was rough. I was living out of a Ronald McDonald House (great charity!) over an hour away from my husband and four other kids. I was emotionally strapped, but in this almost over-active strong cheerfulness sort of way. I’m sure it was bizarre to behold, although I’m glad I could cheer up some other parents staying there who had even more severe problems at hand.
Anyway, I get an email with a dream proposition: write a book on a great topic with a great guy/academic. Add a bunch of Jesus to chunks of his doctoral dissertation. Woo hoo! A chance to look at blessing in Scripture when I was stuck in this intense scenario!
By all means, buy the book. 🙂 There’s Jesus in it! Blessing/barak has fundamentally shifted my understanding of who God is: He is truly the Blessor! But, heavens, I wish I could be writing that book now instead of then.
I needed to learn about blessing. I needed to see God’s blessing in the messy fallenness of this world, because I knew our girls were just that. But it’s just plain traumatic to spend two months or more in a NICU, twins eventually being parted because one needs longer-term care. 🙁 I had to take Dorothea home and I couldn’t even bring her back into the NICU on visits to Tasy. Heartbreaking and so . . . heart-dividing.
Anyway, I’ve come through all the drama. Yes, you can still see Tasy’s scar, but she is rightly named Anastasia. She has risen and journeys with God alongside us. 🙂 The twins are nearly potty trained and bright, happy people. Still, I have emotional baggage about the book. It was such an intense time in my life. Haven’t promoted it like maybe I should. It really ended up being way more academic than I meant it to be. I always meant to write study questions or something to go alongside it, but never got around to it.
I regret taking on such an assignment when I should have just slept when I could with high maintenance twin newborns! I regret that I ran too close to deadline so I couldn’t smooth more out. But I’ve learned and been strengthened because of it. For instance, now I know it’s better for me to write entire projects before sending in a proposal–I want that leeway and flexibility. Now I’m blessed with more experience, both in life and Scripture. Now I better understand what it means to be both a writer and a mother! I’ve grown in many ways, thanks be to God.
So. The questions before me:
- Do I order a bunch of paper books now before they’re gone? I still have several.
- Do I let this be a big emotional deal? Or a quiet release from those lingering memories?
Ha, I may not know whether I should get more but you should!!
Blessed: God’s Gift of Love will still be available in digital form, so I guess that’s a nice perk about modern “out-of-print” business!! Woo hoo!
Going out of print closes a full range of experiences for a writer. May this range continue to grow in good ways for all of us, as our Lord continues to bless and keep us always through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
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